Samz Pub in Langley BC (#live happyhour review)

Welp. So much for landscaping. Too pretentious to have any kind of living noise/smog screen?  But I suspect noise/smog screen is left up to layout, because…
It’s the ass-end of this fairly fug street-facing liquor store.

 

2:27pm, Saturday, 9/23/23

At Samz with my fiancée and her roomie.  The roomie and I have both ordered the cheap-o 20oz glass of house beer.   Somewhere on maps or something my lady saw a $4.50 happy hour sleeve of lager.  They don’t do that anymore.  I was excited enough anyway, 20oz is four ounces more than a pint and as long as it’s under $7, I consider that “a bargoon,” as papá would say.

Taco Tuesdays kind of seems decent if the tacos are remotely good. I wouldn’t bank on that.

Mesmerizing, haven’t seen anything in this particular vein before.  This place has a really clean, somewhat-upscale-but-dive-themed kind of aesthetic.  It’s better than nothing, lol.

The glorious beer, towering primly.

I’ve ordered the cauliflower bites, because they’re one of those divine vegetarian options that is absolutely every bit as satisfying as any given meat option at a couple bucks less $$ than the cheapest, so I get to eat guiltfree AND inexpensively, who could ask for anything more?

I’ve been bickering with my gal for the past 12 hours about The Way She Is About Meat.  She’s one of those bacon girls, as if it’s her job.  I’m a lapsed vegan as if it’s my job.  You do the math.  Ultimately, my worksheet says, I’ve been displacing my own metaphysical angsts onto her when I shouldn’t.  I should mind myself to be twice as immovable in the face of temptation, if there’s twice as much temptation.  Simple as.

Thank the Goddess beer is vegetarian (usually) ? it’s a classic for a reason.

However, both the roomie and I agree, this beer is barely beer, it’s mostly water.  NGL this is almost certainly the weakest beer I’ve ever been served.  It’s not worth getting a second.  If the beer had gotten me even slightly buzzed that would have induced me to get another.  Oh well, fate intervenes and my current impromptu sober streak basically continues.

Quick scan of the room:

There were a bunch of couples in the booths  posted up side by side staring at the backs of the people at the bar.  We were in the middle.  What the hell?

 

2:39pm

Food just arrived, everyone is upset at portions.  3/3 people at the table feel stiffed.  This explains all the sullen and tired-looking nearing-senior-aged yuppie couples dominating the space.  No one else is well-off yet unsophisticated enough to care about this place, and these people can’t really eat like they used to anyway so who cares about skimpy portions, right?  No offense but like, too rich for my blood.

I am NOT happy with the amount of bites I’m getting for $11 here, I usually get triple this portion for $11-$14.  Anywhere. How annoying!

No, but, I think I got the best deal because:

My gf’s sad thinboi farmer sausage and five perogis, she said it all tasted like costco.  This was $19 before tax ?
Roomie’s onion rings, all six of them.  I want you to know that this item is $6.  That’s a dollar a ring, which, hello, these aren’t even made in-house, are they, you just deepfry them out of a bag. Simply outrageous.

The server is nice, no slack in the operation there.  I’m enjoying the carpet too, actually:

Fantastical curlicues to ensnare the eye.
This is the most charming thing about the decor, this carpet.

 

2:50pm

I’ve eaten most of my bites.  THEY WERE NOT GOOD.  WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS.

Mainly, they’re coated in the exact same sweet chili sauce I was upset about recently at the Korean chicken place in Ladner.  This sauce is so from-the-bottle, so retail, so corn-syrupGAG.

The kicker is, the cauliflower is the crunchy part? And the breading is wodgy, like foodcourt sweet and sour chicken balls vibes for sure.  This is NOT what people aim for with the cauliflower bites, just so we’re all clear. I’ve had them from eastern provinces to western since they first started showing up on menus, I’ve ordered cauliflower bites probably around 40 times minimum in my life so far.  Please just salt them, and serve with aioli?  Hey, y’know, you do you, Samz, I ain’t comin’ back so ? stick with the chili sauce, whadda I know?

 

3:21pm

Standing outside blazing a doob, Scoob.  We all agree that Samz sucks and isn’t our kind of place, but my gf said something very interesting: she said “I just love a pub environment.” We had just been talking about how I just spent basically ($2 difference) the amount I would have for AYCE at Langley Buffet.  And looking around, comparing it against the ambiance of the buffet, I thought, what the hell does she mean?  And evolutionary psychology sprang readily to mind which means it’s probably made up, but, the place really did remind me of a cave, full of cavepeople.

I dunno, if that’s your scene, I guess dive in.

 

ETA, 10:18pm

Finally took the shit that was this meal; it did not go gently.  Could have been worse time-/pain-wise but still seriously undesirable as a consequence of paying someone else to cook.

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